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Sexual Addiction Recovery

Discussion in 'The Best World News' started by Coach Vinny, Jun 28, 2016.

  1. Coach Vinny

    Coach Vinny Quarter Century Club Awesome Poster

    Hi everyone, I am a Sexual Addiction Recovery Coach. I am creating this thread to provide a place for my clients and anyone struggling with sexual addiction to support each other. My hope is that this will serve as a kind of virtual 12 step support group. I have extensive experience with many of the recovery groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous, Pornography Addiction Support Group; however, this group is not affiliated with or endorsed by any of these or other similar groups or organizations.

    Anonymity and Confidentiality
    You are encouraged to use your first name only when creating your profile. Please remember that confidentiality and anonymity foster honesty and make this a safe place to share. Therefore, “whom you hear here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here” (Al-Anon slogan).

    Each week I will make a post about one of the 12 steps, and anyone is free to comment, share, discuss their experience with this step. Please refrain from mentioning graphic details. Furthermore, at anytime, you are encouraged to use this thread for daily check-ins, accountability, surrendering triggers, etc. Please let me know how I can be of service to you. For more information, check out www.MoralSupportCoach.com. Thanks, -Coach Vinny

    Free 12 Step Resources
    LDS Family Services: "A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing"
    Sexaholics Anonymous: "White Book"
    Sex Addicts Anonymous: "Green Book"


    Attached Files:

    Last edited: Jun 29, 2016
  2. roy

    roy Knows How To Post Awesome Poster

    ok you have to make an account if you want to post replies, and it looks like it works for anonymity
    Coach Vinny likes this.
  3. Coach Vinny

    Coach Vinny Quarter Century Club Awesome Poster

    Yes, it's simple enough to set up an account, don't you think? And you can use your first name only, or a nickname or whatever...
  4. Coach Vinny

    Coach Vinny Quarter Century Club Awesome Poster

    This week we will be discussing Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior/lust - that our lives had become unmanageable.

    Read ARP pages 1-5; White Book pages 82-88; Green Book pages 22-25.

    What does it mean to be powerless? When have you felt that way? How would it feel to have power and control in your life? What would have to happen for you to feel like your life is manageable?

    Share your thoughts and experiences.
  5. Coach Vinny

    Coach Vinny Quarter Century Club Awesome Poster

    This week we will be discussing Step 2: "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

    Read ARP pages 7-8; White Book pages 89-92; Green Book pages 25-28.

    First of all, if we need to be restored to sanity, what might that imply about our current situation and our experience with insanity? How insane are we? How does that resonant with you? How do you relate to feeling like you are insane? How does this idea of insanity relate to the previous step and an unmanageable life/powerlessness?

    If we really are insane and in need of a restoration to sanity, what could possibly restore us? Everything we have tried on our own has not worked...what will work? If I cannot change myself, how feasible is it that some other power can? Am I the greatest power/supreme being of the universe? What outside powers or forces are we aware of that are "greater than ourselves"? As of today, how willing am I to accept that such a power exists? How badly do I desire such a power to exist? What might that power be for me?
  6. Brandon

    Brandon Just here to have fun

    I'll let this stay for now, please post elsewhere on the forums @Coach Vinny, so the users don't think you're just here to sell your sex service..

    Coach Vinny likes this.
  7. Coach Vinny

    Coach Vinny Quarter Century Club Awesome Poster

    Will do! Thanks @Brandon! (ps. sex addiction recovery service, not sex service...that's the opposite of what I offer lol) And I am here to support recovering addicts for free, not sell my services. Thanks!
  8. Coach Vinny

    Coach Vinny Quarter Century Club Awesome Poster

    This week we will be discussing Step 3:
    "Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ." ARP
    "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." -White Book
    "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God." -Green Book

    Read ARP pages 13-14; White Book pages 93-96; Green Book pages 28-31.

    A note about God: The 12 step process is not religious, but it is spiritual. Many 12 step programs are sponsored by a church--such as the ARP sponsored by the LDS church--and these programs typically assign the role of the “God” spoken of in original 12 steps, to the God of their understanding as defined by that particular religion; Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father, Allah, Hashem, Buddha, etc.. You do not need to be a part of any religion to do the steps. But you do need to eventually have some kind of spiritual awakening in order to completely recover. Spirituality can refer to virtually anything beyond the physical world. For some recovering addicts, they find that their “God” or higher power is the positive influence of their recovery group. A higher power can be family relationships, or the wind. Anything that you find to be more powerful than you. God is just a name to give such a power--and your definition of God need not match that of a certain religion.

    It's one thing to believe that there is some power in the universe that is more powerful than I, and then to call that power God...it’s an entirely different matter to turn my life over to his care. But, let’s consider the following:

    • If we believe that he really is powerful enough to restore us to sanity...
    • If we believe that he wants to help us...
    • If we know that nothing we have done on our own has worked...
    • Then, what do we have to lose? Nothing!

    So what holds us back from turning our life and will over to the care of God? How does pride come into play here? What about fear? What about distrust in others? How can you make this significant decision today? If you’re not yet ready to do so, what would have to happen before you can willingly hand God the keys--let him take the wheel?
  9. Coach Vinny

    Coach Vinny Quarter Century Club Awesome Poster

    Step 4

    “Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself.” -ARP
    “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” -White Book
    “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” -Green Book

    Step Readings:
    • ARP pages 13-14
    • White Book pages 105-110
    • Green Book pages 28-31.
    A caution about this step: It is not uncommon for a recovering addict to get to this step and become overwhelmed, procrastinate doing it, and end up relapsing as a result. We do NOT want that to happen to us--and it does not need to. So, while it is important to give this step adequate time to ensure a thorough inventory, try to avoid the urge of being a perfectionist or falling victim to paralysis by analysis. In completing this step, give yourself as much time as you need but as little time as you can get away with. Keep in mind that you may not get 100% of everything from your entire life your first time through. You can allow yourself to leave this an open-ended process and add things to your inventory over time even after you have moved on to the next steps.

    An important thing to remember is that this inventory is not just to record all of the bad stuff, but ought to be an inventory of your entire life; the good, the bad, and the ugly, as well as the beautiful, the successful, disappointing, inspiring, painful, pleasant things in your life. Think of events, people, decisions.

    The purpose of this is to lay everything out on the table. Take an honest look at what you’ve. No holding back, no secrets. No judgments, no justifications. Just the facts. Once we know what we’re dealing with, only then can we really get to work on it.

    There are several methods and techniques for accomplishing this step. Find one you like, or combine a few different suggestions and guidelines. The important thing is to get started. If nothing else you can just grab a piece of paper and a pen and start writing whatever comes to your mind in response to the question: how did I get here (to this point in my life)?

    What experiences have you had with the Step 4 inventory? What questions or concerns do you have about this step? Any guidelines you have found to be helpful? Any words of caution? Success stories? Please share.
  10. Coach Vinny

    Coach Vinny Quarter Century Club Awesome Poster

    Step 5


    “Admit to yourself, to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, to proper priesthood authority, and to another person the exact nature of your wrongs.” -ARP

    “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” -White Book/Green Book


    • ARP pages 29-33

    • White Book pages 111-114

    • Green Book pages 37-39


    After getting all of our “stuff” out on the table in step 4, taking this next step can be surprisingly liberating, like a huge weight is lifted from our shoulders. After completing it you may notice that it is literally easier for you to breathe. At the same time--of course--while preparing for and during this step, it is likely to seem intimidating and bring up feelings of embarrassment and shame.

    • How did (or do you think you will) you feel before, during, and after completing step 5?

    For many, this is the first time another person will know “the exact nature of our wrongs.” While we may have shared bits and pieces with others, or some of our actions may have had been discovered by others, most of the information made know about our addiction prior to this time has been vague and incomplete--intentionally so. We never wanted to offer up such private, revealing information about our flaws because, chances are, most of our lives we have believed the lie that “if you really knew me, you would not love me.”

    • How can you relate to this belief? What other fears have you had about opening up to others?

    This is precisely the reason why joining a fellowship/support group and completing this step with someone who understands what you’re going through is so powerful. When you can share the most embarrassing, disgusting, regretful acts of your life, and still feel love coming from the person you just barfed on--it is incredibly empowering; it reinforces your value and self worth.

    • Who is someone you can trust to listen without judgement?

    • Share any other experiences with and thoughts about step 5
  11. Brandon

    Brandon Just here to have fun

    any updates with this project Vinny?